Goodbye Summer of 2010.

For a lonely soul, you're having such a nice time
For a lonely soul, you're having such a nice time
For a lonely soul, it seems to me that you're having such a nice time
You're having such a nice time. - Keane "Nothing in my way" (see below for song) 

Met Keane in MN

When you are single at 33, there is a lot of quiet time late at night which allows for massive amounts of self-reflection and introspection. I blame my uncle for introducing me to this world of single life where the greatest question invented lives on steroids: "Why?". He is well over the age of 45, single, no kids and challenged me early in my life to pursue the road less taken and to follow my heart.  

I was reminded this summer that I'm really fortunate to have the kind of life that I always wanted. Sometimes, in the rush of living, I think I forget to stop and look around at what is good in my life and the opportunities that are provided to me because of the choices I've made. That doesn't mean I don't have issues because my life can be lonely at times.  The solemn existence is caused by a piercing desire to pursue a career that forces me to move around the country to places where I never thought I would live.

Radio is who I am and without it, I don't know what I would do with myself. I have my uncle to thank for my career. This summer was quite possibly the greatest of my life, yet I spent the majority of it alone or with just one or two people along for the experiences. It causes me to wonder - have I spent too much time alone these past few years that I'm now forever destined to live solo? My poor mother is wondering if her oldest son will ever grow up and settle down but it sure doesn't look like it at the rate I'm going. I am 33 for god-sakes.

I'm now even asking myself if I will ever give up this bachelorhood? I don't think I want to but don't I have to if I want to do the wife and white picket fence life kinda thing? Debating that is my new late-night struggle.

I've written of my childhood before, explaining how we never traveled anywhere beyond New York City. It was like the world stopped at tip of lower Manhattan. This bubble was allowed to remain intact because everything you focused on was in Boston or New York. Movies, art, TV news, baseball, football, it was all about Boston and New York.

But then radio came along and this Pandora's Box of experiences was opened up for me and I was never the same. I call it "the ride" and it's been filled with so much selfish fun.

I'm not going to bore you with every detail of what I did this summer but the highlights are pretty wild and gives some background to why I'm still single. Yes, I did go home to Boston to see the family for five days but the real fun started afterwards.

Keane performing in Vegas

Everyone should spend the 4th of July in Los Angeles just once, especially if you are from the East Coast. I don't want to say that people in Cali aren't patriotic because they are, but the 4th there feels like a played-out family tradition rather than a celebration of our country's history. I also learned a big lesson in California this summer - growing up means you have to learn to keep your mouth shut and let your friends make their own mistakes with love. Even when you want to scream at them, you have to just accept their decisions because saying what you think can be devastating. I lost a connection with a close friend in July and I hope one day, we are able to re-build our friendship. He was my best friend for many years before a woman entered the picture one night in Vegas.


Speaking of Vegas, my annual July trip this year was highlighted by staying at the Green Valley Ranch Resort and getting a ton of stuff comp'd due to a connection I had at the hotel. If you are looking for a place off the strip that is really chill and very nice - that's the place to stay. The 21+ pool rocks too. I walked out up $250 from the casino, so that was a nice treat as I left the desert. It was different without my friend around though who had been a major part of my last three trips to Sin City. 


But Vegas 2010 will be remembered for seeing the band Keane for the first time at the House of Blues (pic above). I don't know if I'm normal or weird that I can go to concerts alone but I've always been this way and it further fuels my thoughts that I won't ever settle down. My first concert ever was seeing Cracker by myself at the Avalon club in Boston when I was 16. My favorite thing in the world to do is go to concerts but since many of my bands aren't popular with a lot of people, finding friends who want to go see those bands can be tough sometimes. I couldn't care less about going by myself to shows.

I'm happy to report that I finally made it to Chicago to cross off another bucket list item. In fact, after not going there for 33 years, I made two visits to the Windy City this summer. I first went for a couple of AAU tournaments for my website and then I went for Big 10 Football Media Days. While in Chi-town for the second time, a connection got my co-host and I great seats so I could see Wrigley Field - home of the Cubs for the first time.  

Chicago feels a lot like Boston with its history and quaint neighborhoods. I also made it up to Minneapolis in August and found out that their downtown is simply awesome. So much going on but so easy to get in and out of and so clean!


After going 7 years without seeing Keane, I got to see them twice during a 3 week period. The second time was in the Twin Cities at the famous First Avenue Club. That's where Prince made his name so it was pretty cool to be in there but not nearly as cool as meeting the entire band and having them sign something for me (see pic above) after the show. My friend Kat (she works in the music industry) set the whole thing up and I owe her a huge debt. It was the highlight of my summer as the band could not have been cooler to talk to for the 10 minutes I spent in their dressing room. 

But again, while Kat was hanging out with her work friends, I roamed the club by myself, dancing along to the music. It just felt right I guess.

I went to other places like Dallas for Big 12 Football Media Days, which was very routine in nature and we didn't do much fun stuff except go to a Rangers game to see Cliff Lee pitch. Kansas City was where I flew to Las Vegas from but went to a big AAU tournament first, so I spent a couple days there.

Yet, I keep coming back to a larger debate with myself when thinking about this summer: how long can you keep doing this and remain happy?

Marriage, relationships, and family have always been part of how I saw my life unfolding. I'm a family oriented guy living the most non-family friendly lifestyle. What girl wants to be around this madness?! It's a catch-22 for me.

Most of my relationships recently have been of the one to two month variety which has been perfectly OK. I date very differently than I used to. In the past, I would go years with the same girl and never walk away soon enough. Now, I get bored of them or they get sick of my behavior. There is no way that I could have gone to Boston, LA, Chicago twice, Las Vegas, Kansas City, Minneapolis and Dallas during a 8 week period if I were married - but that's exactly what I did this summer and loved every minute of it. I know it's the quintessential single guy life that leads many to get hitched - coming home to your cat and empty loft of silence after days of partying, but how many unhappy married guys would take my life in two seconds?

All I know is, I had a blast this summer and most of it was spent by myself on planes, in cars, at shows, in hotels or at work. What does that say about me....I don't know exactly yet but I'm still loving my career, loving my freedom and loving my next chance to ask that great question:

Why?

Set List from Minneapolis Show for Keane

Hear the Encore in Minny below!

A Quick Thought On Golf

The thing I have always loved about the game of golf is that its principles extend way beyond the course or the country club.

America took the game and made it “exclusive” by creating the country club atmosphere, the polo brand, and high priced courseside houses, but I think the game has always been about learning life’s lessons. There is nothing exclusive about that at all. We all can learn something from the game.

It’s the only contest where you get to police yourself. Nobody to argue with, in or out, it’s your call. People say you play golf the way you live your life and I think that’s pretty accurate.

For me, I play golf with a love for the competition but have to fight the urge to cut corners and stay focused on each individual shot. When I get caught up in the bigger picture, like my score, I struggle and normally implode. I can be easily distracted and make mistakes if I start to play too quickly. 

My behavior in life is very similar.

So when I had surgery on my shoulder and I thought my golf career was over, I suddenly felt like I had lost something that had been a part of me since I was 11 years old.

I taught myself how to play the game by sneaking onto the Andover Country Club course at dusk on summer nights when nobody was out playing it. My friend Mike and I would get 3 or 4 holes in and then we’d putt until we couldn’t see our hands in front of our faces.

As the summer grew on, we would get braver and braver as to how early we’d go out to play. By the end of the season, we would be nuts enough to sneak between groups and play nearly a full 9 holes. Needless to say, we got chased off the course more than once.

Golf has taught me another life lesson just recently however, as I’m back to playing the game again. 18 months removed from surgery, I simply cannot swing the club as hard as I used to be able to and it’s difficult to accept that fact. I was the guy who could step up to the tee and drive the ball 300 yards straight down the middle.

I thought about this new lesson as I drove from the course this morning after shooting a 41 on a Par 35 for nine holes.

Driving the ball is a guy’s ego in full affect, a dick-measuring contest that we don’t really talk about much but it’s the reason why Drivers are $300 and a putter is $100. I’m a decent golfer but the one thing I could do was hit the ball a long ways. It was fun to see the reaction of people when I hit a drive. I’m not that big of a guy but I could really get into a golf ball. 

Not anymore.

Surgery has robbed me of the ability to swing hard and go after the ball with the force I used to uncork. I was angry for a while until I learned to accept my limitations and play within myself. I have to hit a 4 iron from 190 yards now.

Smooth swing. Slow back, controlled on impact. Proper finish.

The result – I’m probably a better golfer now than I was before the surgery and I’m not as wild off the tee as I was before. I’m not swinging “for the fences” if you will and instead just trying to put the ball where it needs to be put.

The lesson – learn what you can do well and do it to the best of your ability. Don’t worry about the showmanship and ego side of things, as all they will do is get you hurt. Be smart about yourself and know what you are capable of doing.  

It’s not the beginning that matters, it’s the end result. Golf, once again, teaching tools that can help you in life. 

Who Do You Want To Be?

FOR COLIN

Is anybody out there?

It feels like I’m talking to myself

No one seems to know my struggle

And everything I’ve come from

Can anybody hear me?

I guess I keep talking to myself

It feels like I’m going insane

Am I the one who’s crazy?

-Eminem “Talking To Myself featuring Kobe”

And with that moving chorus, Eminem’s new album Recovery explains the running theme of his latest album that hit stores this week and now has my mind spinning about this journey I’ve been on for past 11 years since I left home.  

I’ve often wondered why white kids like myself have fallen for the rapper from Detroit's talents and have bought his albums for years. There are other artists who put out similar sounding tracks without us paying them any mind. In my opinion, I think it’s because Em has the ability to connect with something most white males have inside of them - a desire to have our feelings of struggle understood by someone without the warm and fuzzy feminizing of the emotion.

Em said it is “cause he looks like us”, which is probably very true, but his lyrics are different than most rappers. His storytelling allows fans to see a deeper meaning and draws from experiences that many of us white bread suburban kids can easily relate to because of our own childhood memories. 

I just came back from a five-day stay in Boston with my family, which probably should be called my second family. My first family was as dysfunctional as any rap song that Em could put out. More on that in a second, but I grew up with a crystal clear understanding of the burden that my existence put on my parents. That caused a lot of anger in me growing up in the upper middle class, white town of Andover, MA.

Mercedes in my hometown are as common as Nissans in others but I lived in nothing but apartments well into my teenage years. My mom’s second family started while I was in middle school and turned into a happy marriage of nearly 20 years with three great kids who are 17, 15, and 10 and a house at the end of a cull de sac. My story has had a very happy ending.

And that’s where artists like Eminem bond with people like me. After the storm, you want to reflect on what the hell happened to you before you knew who you were.  

It’s amazing how your first 12 years of life can be such a source of pain and anger for your adult years. Like a blistering sunburn on my memory, my youth taught me a lot about how tough life can be if you make poor choices early on. I’ve vowed to be different and smarter than the people who gave me the chance to exist.

My parents knew each other for a grand total of 6 weeks before they got pregnant with me in the summer of 1976. I’ve lived with that knowledge my whole childhood. There was no courting or falling in love story to tell at the dinner table and I used to think it was something to be kinda proud of.

Seriously.

I guess the reason was because my mother’s best friend got pregnant at the same time and had an abortion. My mom had me. I have no idea what my father wanted to do but I’ve always suspected that he wanted my mother to do what her friend did and relieve him of the 18-year commitment that he would never fully take responsibility for (even though he did have a second child with my mom – my 30-year-old brother). My father required that my brother and I call my mom and dad by their given names – Mark and Donna. It screws with a kid’s mind I can tell you that.

I’m not writing this on a blog to make people feel bad for me but I feel like there are a lot of kids out there (one of my brothers) that are going through some tough issues and need to know that they can do whatever they want to do in the world. A lot of the kids that buy Eminem records have a dream of being more than the names your dad used to call you at the dinner table while drunk.

So let me say this; you are alive and since you are alive, why not carve out a slice of life for yourself the world will remember you for?

There are many sad stories I could tell about my father and mother during those first 12 years of my life. Plates being thrown like Frisbees at my mom’s head, cops dragging my father down flights of steps leaving a trail of blood all the way to backseat of the cruiser, drunken fights between my body and his fists, or as I later learned, illegal acts that should have put my father in jail for what he did to us.

I can’t rap about what happened but I can share my experiences with others to tell them that they aren’t alone if they are struggling to get through the dark tunnel. I’m evidence that there is a light at the end if you are willing to push through.

The black clouds of those times have been a part of me as much as the hair on my head and I will admit that I was looking for a way out of it all when I walked into WMUA’s studios on the campus of UMass in 2000. I needed to find a way to experience the world in my own way and radio provided that for me. I never traveled as a child. No family vacations or trips to see colleges. We were luckly to be able to keep the car running and pay the rent.

I wanted a lot more out of my life and I was determined to get it for myself.  

If you believe that everything happens for a reason than you will see a clear line from my job in Virginia falling apart after little over a year to getting hired in Alabama in 2002 a few months later.

Moving to the Deep South felt like I was as far away from Andover as I could get but it was the equivalent of enrolling in radio boot camp. The same man who educated Sean Hannity taught me the talk game everyday in a variety of confusing ways. It was like being on Dagobah with Yoda for 4 years with the lessons and riddles he challenged me with every morning before sun came up. It gave me the tools to go forward in this business and the belief that I was born to do this. Some don’t understand how much I study talk radio but it’s the most important thing in my life outside of my family and friends.

I was born to be a talk show host and I learned that while in Alabama, working for a man I never thought I would ever get along with, let alone owe my career to.  

So if you are going to pick up Eminem’s new CD and a song like “Not Afraid” speaks to you – do something with that feeling. Dream. Ask the best question ever invented – why? Why am I here? What can I do while I have air in my lungs? And who do I want to be before they throw dirt on me? Who can I help? Where should I be?  What was I born to do?

Don’t be afraid to do something unconventional. Don’t be afraid to listen to your heart and follow it, no matter where it leads you. There is no wrong answer in life if you listen to your heart. It’s what you were meant to be and people who really love you will understand that fact.  

Like Em said during the song “Lose Yourself”:

“Look, if you had, one shot, one opportunity, to seize everything you ever wanted, would you capture it? Or just let it slip?

You only get one shot. Do not miss your chance to blow. This opportunity only comes once in a lifetime. You better lose yourself in the moment”

There is no better time than today to get after it.

Year 1 in Des Moines

What a first year.

I think you are officially considered an adult when you begin to talk about your life in terms of years. 

I'm now 33 but I don't like to admit that I'm a grown up. 

Remember in high school, when you were dating someone for three months, that was a long time. In college, if you had two semesters of school left, you thought that was forever.

Now, I say things like “this year I want to” and “for the last year”. 

On April 30, 2009, I moved my career to Des Moines, Iowa adding another stop on this crazy train ride (to go with Nashua, Charlottesville, Huntsville, and Omaha). Just another town that I never thought I would call home when I graduated high school in 1995. 

However, I feel like I've found a perfect spot here in Iowa.

I can honestly say that moving here has been the most amazing, perfect, and fortunate break of my career. I’ve been interviewing and applying for large market jobs for the better part of 8 years but little did I know that the break of my career would come after being let go from a job that I truly loved.

In February of 2009, I was nearly positive that I was moving to Seattle. One of my bosses at Big Sports 590 was helping in the hiring process and all but told me that I was going to be hired in the Emerald City. It was big because I had been told that my contract was not going to be renewed due to budget cuts in December of 2008. 

I have been close for numerous large market jobs over the years, but that one stung for a while because of how the courtship ended.

The morning before I was supposed to fly to Seattle to meet the executives to close the deal in all likelihood…. it fell through. They were hiring another early 30’s, Boston born talk show host from within their affiliation group.  

It crushed me.

My contract was over at the end of March in Omaha and my plan was to move to back to Boston. That’s when Ken Miller called to ask me if I would ever consider coming to KXnO to be his co-host.

I didn’t know at the time that it would be the most important phone call of my career so far.

In some ways, I can now relate to Greg McDermott’s run at Iowa State. You need a support system around you to be successful in anything in life, radio included. Sometimes, it’s not the right fit and sometimes you are the victim of bad breaks. 

The KXnO interview process was easy but I still can’t believe that I was up for a job against Trev Alberts in talk radio. He eventually took the job as Athletic Director of UNO, a smart move considering he is making around $100K more than he would have in Des Moines as a talk show host.

His decision allowed me to move two hours east and into an awesome opportunity.

Everything happens for a reason right? I think KXnO did for me because I’ve grown so much since I moved here.  

Sure, the first year has been bumpy at times, getting used to a new audience, new teams, new show but for the most part, I think it’s been a successful transition. 

I finally work for a “real” radio station who values talent. 

In just the first year of “Matt and Miller”, we’ve covered Media days, Bowl games, NCAA tournament runs, the NFL draft, and the Kentucky Derby. Tell me another sports radio station outside the top 75 markets that can claim that?

And I’m learning more and more about sports careers and how fluid sports can be at every turn.  

Dana Altman leaving for Oregon was a sad moment for me. I found out via text from Jeff Goodman of Fox Sports while I was on a train from New York to Boston. Brian Fish, one of his assistant coaches, was someone I considered a friend beyond the basketball court. 

But I understood why he was going. It was his shot and his time to take it.  

And maybe one day, I’ll get my big shot….but until then, I could not be happier with how my career has turned out so far. 

I’m now running a website that has completely changed the way I look at sports media coverage. I work for a General Manager who I can sit and talk radio with for hours. And I’m learning more and more every day and get up with thirst for becoming a better host. 

What else could a guy who is in love with talk radio ask for? I'm pretty lucky.  

Ani DiFranco - Omaha April 18, 2010 The Slowdown

If you were to draw up THE set list that most Ani DiFranco fans would kill to hear, I think Omaha's stop on this current tour would be pretty darn close to what it would look like.

The night before in Des Moines, the show was sleepy and very current as the theatre audience allowed Ani to play slower tracks that honestly were difficult to digest on a Saturday night.

The next night however, Ani ripped into her version of what could be called a "greatest hits show" if she ever wanted to do one.

Talk about a different show from one night to the next!

Classic songs exploded into my ears from the first Ani album I ever bought - Dilate which shot me back to walking the UMass campus with Untouchable Face blaring on my headphones. Amazing tracks from Little Plastic Castle including Swan Dive (my favorite DiFranco song and a huge source of inspiration for my radio career) and Red Letter Year's incredibly political Alla This filled the 90 minute set list.

She played Grey, 32 Flavors, Fuel, and Napoleon!

The show was so good that I actually reverted back to being 19 again and asked for the set list from the sound tech....an old trick that I used to pull out for only the biggest of shows.

It was simply an amazing night. If you love Ani DiFranco, that set list should make you just say "WOW!"

2 Shows in 2 nights that could not have been more different but so much fun. Just another reason why Ani DiFranco is my favorite female artist ever.